The arrival of a new member to the family, represents a shock to everyone. Grandparents are no exception, and adapt to the new situation is not always easy ...
Many conflicts can arise from the birth of a grandson, who in addition to bringing joy can be very demanding for the family circle. We all want to feel like we belong somewhere, to be treated well and given the attention they deserve. So both the grandparents and parents, uncles and brothers must learn to adapt to the arrival of a new family member.
As grandparents, we feel that our position in the family is decreasing as it expands. For us to get more excited by the arrival of our grandchildren to the world, it is also true that the moments to talk or share things with our own children are increasingly difficult when they themselves become parents. Now they have very important responsibilities and hold them long. The other grandparents, uncles and brothers are also part of this picture. And to complete the familiar moments of discomfort, sometimes given the fact that ex-wives or ex-husbands share the time with the grandchildren.
We all want to accommodate and get along as far as possible. But sometimes it's a struggle. Analyzing this type of situation, we realize how tensions may arise even in family circles closer.
As grandparents, we also have doubts about the role that we occupy. We are no longer in charge of things. We must move away from center stage and let our children make decisions for themselves and for our grandchildren. And even our own desires to be left out more than one occasion.
But this does not mean that we stop being mothers or fathers. Although intimately know we should relinquish control of our adult children, to our eyes they are still our children. And this is forever, no matter how old you are any of those involved.)
Our place, but not always like it
We can and must continue to nurture our children. We can be a reassurance to them, someone who listens. They also live in situations of high stress. Now they earn a living for themselves and their families, and besides that now are parents and are very busy. We must help and accompany them, because they often need our advice or our attention.
On the other hand, often will not agree with some decisions that our children take in their role as parents. Or when we visited, perhaps pretend to spend more time with our grandchildren. We also think that their children-our grandchildren are being spoiled. It is tempting in such cases claim the authority that gives us the age and start giving orders again. But if we adopt that stance, over time we become less welcome in the house of our children.
We must earn the right to assert our opinion. This is accomplished by establishing a loving relationship with our children and gave themselves entirely when they need us.
We must also bear in mind that, currently, many new parents raise their children very differently than they themselves were raised. Are grown and have their own ideas about things. Also, know first hand the mistakes we made as parents. Sometimes it's very risky to give disinterested advice ... because our children, in many cases, want nothing to do with our advice.
Although there are moments when advice is inescapable. Please note that the security of our grandson is in danger, we should speak without hesitation. But it's also good to remember, from time to time, we already had our turn to do things right or wrong, and now what happens with our grandchildren will not be our responsibility.
When we hit our children
The conflicts that arise with our children are conflicts "borderline" by them as something else. It happens usually when both grandparents and parents do not meet the expectations generated mutually. These conflicts can include disagreements on ways to raise children or the degree of presence with the grandparents in the lives of grandchildren. Some grandparents do not have much respect for the role of their own children as parents. And in other cases, parents think it is normal that grandparents have to give their lives to look after their grandchildren when they have another engagement.
In practice, there must be a high degree of flexibility and maturity to solve such problems. And the weight of the problems should fall on the backs of their grandparents. As "solucionadotes, grandparents must:
* Try to resolve problems immediately.
* Communicate with all members of the family and listen very carefully.
* Remember that the most important for parents and grandparents is the welfare of children, and that should do anything to solve the difficulties that involve them.
However, we should not expect too much of ourselves. It's normal to feel jealous of the other grandparents, is a logical and understandable reaction. Perhaps the "other" grandparents live near the home of the grandchildren, are more present in their lives or have more money to make fabulous gifts. The important thing is to recognize these reactions in ourselves. There is no need to hide these feelings of jealousy thing to do is simply not letting imposed. If possible, it is advisable to build bridges of rapprochement with the other grandparents, sharing time with them and the grandchildren and also the time to share gifts.
The other grandparents may belong to a religious group of beliefs very different from ours. They can even speak a different language. Once again, it will be our responsibility to ensure that family relations are harmonious and without unnecessary tension. Why is it that our children and grandchildren come to expect.
We are the role models
As part of an older generation, we must be examples. We are the keepers of tradition and values of our family. We can light the way for our children, our grandchildren and our grandchildren, grandparents giving them love and being sympathetic. We must always keep communication lines open with our family. When problems can be addressed by appealing to love, without getting defensive, when all parties involved can see how it feels to be in the place of another person, we have many more options for dealing with happily.
It is worth remembering that, as grandparents, we are often in an unbeatable position. We can receive love and care for these wonderful creatures who are our grandchildren without having to plunge into the parental duties. Yes, of course we care about our grandchildren, and we also can get tired at times. But most of the time usually accompanying precious value, and we are thrilled and honored to spend time with them. As we tighten the ties with our family and our own children, we can rejoice with his people: our grandchildren.
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