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A disease of our parents can become a major source of demand for us, generating crises and conflicts which if not understood and handled in time, they end up aggravating the situation. Learn how to avoid it.

As the disease progresses, children or relatives are suffering watching your loved one is deteriorating day by day and as it grows the need for extra care.

Given the lack of training and lack of guidance and preparation for living this stage, many feel anger, guilt, shame or confusion, so it is necessary to understand the pressure of caring for our parents are sick with chronic diseases.

Many studies show that carries the emotional care of elderly parents with such conditions: they produce feelings of depression, anxiety or guilt, as well as, perceptions of inadequacy in relation to what is done and not compatible with self-imposed reality .

It is often necessary to adjust the role of each member, as this type of situation can jeopardize their emotional well being.

While the ideal would be for both sons and daughters were shared equally the care of their parents, research shows that this type of task usually falls on a daughter or more rarely on the daughter. In many cases, middle-aged daughters can already predict who will have to assume this task, which could take years.

It is therefore advisable to know the obligations and rights of each member of the family, relatives or friends. Also, the investment of time, care and protection that will be needed. In this context it is important to identify relatives who will be in the forefront of care and who could replace the periods of exhaustion.

Many times we do not know how to deal with an ailing parent. It is best to be natural, be the same, letting intuition guide us. The disease strikes only the sick, but so does the whole family.

The family and disease

The family remains the core institution in support of the major social problems: housing, financial aid, affective-emotional containment and care against diseases. It is estimated that 85% of the attention and care they receive depend on the actions of their children, immediate relatives, friends or neighbors.

With the illness of older children in the family also suffer the consequences: the routine is broken and in need of emotional affective containment, extra guidance or discipline. It is important to make some chores in addition to those already met and not hinder access to sick grandmother or grandfather, allowing them to share time reading, talking or doing any other activity that the situation permits.

All dependent care of as you have had in his childhood a good relationship with their parents, and contributed to the care of his grandparents, has more ability to develop situations of disability, old age and understanding of the phenomena of decay, their own or their loved ones

It is important that children and family care providers are aware of the changes of the patient that the disease could potentially produce and be informed about changes in personality and emotional problems that may arise. Otherwise, you can generate acute tensions that hinder the recovery and severely alter the relationship.

What can we do when we feel overwhelmed by the situation?

Both patients and family members tend not to confront their own fears and afflictions. It is often not talk about it, leaving both parties denied the opportunity to express their feelings.

If the situation is experienced as very critical, you should seek referral to a psychiatrist or psychology team to guide the patient and the family group and to report on existing support groups for family members.

Usually the family caregiver is subject to be the target of annoyance and frustration felt by the patient and some members of the family. It is important to know that this happens, to understand what causes the hostility and respond with patience and compassion.

The children, friends, caregivers and neighbors must understand that in certain diseases, for example, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, dementia and certain tumors, presenting behaviors are involuntary patients.

The negative attitude, memory loss, passivity, behavioral disorders, are only symptoms of the disease. Understanding and accepting this can reduce anger, anxiety, feelings of guilt and, above all, avoid conflicts among family members.

Through sharing, we can generate links containment, support and mutual understanding to sustain us through the period that lies ahead. We feel free to share anxieties and sadness but also joy and our love in ways that usually we found difficulty or defense.
The false joy

Sometimes, instead of the hostility that produces the situation appears a false delight. In most cases, the motive is to deceive the patient about the diagnosis or prognosis.

Perhaps it is important to lift the mood of the patient, but this does not mean we have to hide the truth.

Some people come out with statements such as "everything will be okay," but in reality is not "all right." If we insist on this, we deny the reality of the world's sick.

In response, the patient may depart, feeling abandoned and facing an uncertain world alone. Unwittingly, we risk "psychologically abandon" the person we want.

In these cases, we propose to handle the "truth appropriate" ie that the patient is willing and prepared to listen.


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